What if the problem isn’t what we’re feeling?

What if the problem isn't what we're feeling?

If you've been dealing with anxiety disorder for any length of time, you've probably spent a significant amount of energy trying to figure out what's wrong with you. Whatever your symptoms may be, and the possibilities are endless… the rabbit hole goes deep. When we’re in the thick of things, it can feel like the answer is always one click away. So, we continue searching, fueled by adrenaline, cortisol and often fading hope.

This is an understandable reaction to what we’re feeling. Counterproductive but understandable.

But what if the fear, pain, symptoms and emotions weren’t your actual problem at all? They can dominate our attention and take over our lives at times, but I can tell you from my own experience that it was when I stopped seeing them as the problem, but rather saw them as downstream results of bigger issues that I started to experience true change.

That change in viewpoint is what I referred to as the “big shift” in the book.

Big doesn’t mean fast, of course. If you’ve been feeling like you were under attack by your own mind and body for any length of time, you don’t just flip a switch to a new perspective on it all. But, even considering this possibility creates a space in the mind where this idea can take up residence.

Our brains are jam-packed with “what-ifs” when we’re suffering from anxiety, panic and depression. So, why not add one more… only this time, a what-if that could change the course of your recovery.

Your opinion matters

Your belief about what is happening to you is the single most important aspect of your recovery. It informs your brain and subconscious in every waking (and sleeping) moment.

When you watch a scary movie, you can absolutely have a physical reaction to what’s happening. People scream, gasp, jump out of their seat. Heart rates skyrocket, palms can sweat and people even cover their eyes or look away. (This all sounds a bit familiar?) But what happens when the movie is over? People get up, walk out and resume normal life.

Why? Well obviously they know it is just a movie. They have a clear and well-defined viewpoint on what it is, and what it is not. So no amount of symptoms can have any true effect. The mind and the nervous system have an agreement: this may feel scary, but it’s completely safe, maybe even fun!

Anxiety disorder is not fun. But like everything else we encounter in life, it is governed by a set of beliefs and agreements our minds have created around it. And these factors helped foster an atmosphere in your nervous system which allowed anxiety to spiral beyond your control.

But the good news is, those same beliefs are the ones you will ultimately shift into a new place which will allow your system to heal itself.

The reframe

In the book, I describe this as refiling your symptoms from danger to discomfort.

Discomfort seemed like such an inadequate way to describe my experience when I first heard this concept. I preferred more vivid descriptions like “a living hell.” (Among dozens of other more “colorful” descriptions.) Again, who can blame us for verbalizing what we are feeling the way we feel it?

But some very smart people helped me understand that my own classification of what was happening was giving it fuel. When we feed the brain messages of danger, it does exactly what it is designed to do - it cranks up our bodies for survival. And when this messaging is running on auto-play, 24/7… we create a self-sustaining, ever-growing threat response. As you already know, there is a point where this does not turn off easily.

Like so many things in life, anxiety disorder can be easy to stumble into… but not so easy to walk out of.

This is why your viewpoint is the genesis of change.

Just give it a space

If you’re in the thick of things, be realistic. You’re not going to flip your views overnight.

The goal with this concept right now is to just allow this idea to exist as a possibility in your mind. Even if you don’t believe it right now. Even if it makes you a little angry. (It absolutely did me.) Just create an area in your mind for this concept to exist and therefore have a chance to grow and expand later.

A note before you go

If this is the first time you've encountered this framework, it probably raises more questions than it answers. That's appropriate. The full picture — why this happened, what the mechanics are, how to build the mindset, how to handle setbacks — takes more than one essay to lay out properly.

That's what the book is for. But this is where it starts: with the understanding that what you're experiencing is discomfort, not danger. And that distinction, once it truly lands, changes everything.